Hello 2018 or should I say 20-greateen! FULL DISCLOSURE: be prepared for a mushy Mira post below.
It is three days into the new year and I am finally ready to start organizing myself. I am someone who is torn between the “New Year, Fresh Start” mentality and “No Time like the Present” but it is the new year, so I will always try to hit the reset button, even though it is probably worn down already 🙂 I will say that from my last post, 2017 had a lot of ups and downs but sooooo many amazing ups. I was all cliche last year and said 2017 was going to be my year and honestly it was a fabulous year, but I think 2018 will be pretty cool too.
One thing I have struggled with for the past few months, which is one of the reasons the blog was on hiatus, was finding a healthy lifestyle that worked for me. I had a lot of changes in the past year and that means reorganizing your routine and resetting. I am someone who loves schedules and loves checking things off my to-do list and being very routine about it all, so when I have to find a new routine it is like I am on the fritz.
I quit teaching bootcamp in the summer because it didn’t make sense in my schedule anymore and I wanted to spend more time focusing on my own personal workouts, my friends, and most importantly my queen Ryder. But in the middle of trying to make more time for myself and things I love, I seemed to lose myself. I was running around making sure I did x,y, and z to make sure I had room for a, b, c, d, and EFGH. I had a lot of personal time, but no sense of enjoyment in that personal time.
I wasn’t happy with my workout routine or the quality of the classes I was going to so I joined a new gym, which I loved! I felt invigorated to workout again after a rut of feeling unmotivated *which I seem to have a lot of lately*. But after maybe 2 months, the wow factor of the new gym was gone. I could feel myself getting stronger and stronger, but I was exhausted all the time. I would go to sleep at 930pm to wake up at 6am. My days consisted of: wake up, take dog out to pee, get ready for work, walk dog, go to work, go home, let dog out, go to gym, walk dog, go to bed. If you notice there isn’t much eating on in that schedule and that’s because it wasn’t scheduled. My eating habits were all over the place. Not eating dinner at consistent times, not eating lunch at consistent times, and consistently waiting too long to eat so I was starving and would over eat.
I spent so much time worrying about what time I was going to get home to make sure I could make it to class and so much time building my schedule around the gym, it became a stressor. It was to the point where if I didn’t go to the gym because I was extremely busy with work and had other obligations (kickball, volleyball, volunteering, a friends thing, a family thing, a dog thing) I would feel so guilty. And this wasn’t the “oh, I should go to the gym but the bachelor is on” *forgets about the gym 5 minutes later* type of guilt. This was the saying very mean things to myself, that make it even worse type of guilt. THAT was not (and still isn’t) healthy. I love working out, I love the endorphin rush, I love feeling strong, I love sweating out the toxins, I love the natural stress relief, but I don’t love hating myself over it.
Also – while weight loss is not my main goal of working out, gaining weight is not part of my workout plan. I could have been (and still could be) eating healthier, I could have fit into my jeans easier, I could have been more on a schedule, I could have been sleeping better, and I could have been nicer to myself. All of this was adding more stress to my life. Isn’t that ironic? That I was getting stressed out over something that is supposed to de-stress me and make me feel good?
It sounds dumb and typical bratty girl – but a breaking point was when I didn’t fit into my birthday outfit from last year how I wanted to. I was supposed to be going to this gym to get healthy and stronger and live a happier lifestyle and all it was doing was causing stress, making me bloated and puffy, honestly making me gain weight, and making me sad.
I know I am stronger than I was a year ago. I can lift heavier, I can squat more, I can do PULL-UPS (banded, of course), I can do moves I never thought I could do, but I can’t seem to find the joy in it. The gym I went to didn’t include running, while there was cardio, there was no running. I fell in love with running when I was at one of the lowest points of my life and I fell back in love with running at one of the highest points of my life. I am slower than I used to be and that is never fun to know you have to back down a few speeds on the tread. But there was a time when I didn’t run, and when I walk-ran, and when I jogged, and then where I pushed myself. I just need to get there again.
So that is part of my 2018 resolution. Find the joy in working out again, find the spark that made me love that endorphin rush. I saw an old friend at my old gym that I went back to this week and she said “it is so great to see you back here” and when I said “me too!”, I meant it with all sincerity.
I want to fit into my pants better, I want to not worry about taking a rest day to watch the Bachelor or more importantly The Challenge, I want to make healthy eating habits that stick and work for me, I want to grocery more efficiently so I stop wasting food and money, and I want to run again.
I have a few more resolutions and few more fun things to share – like holiday pics, food, and workouts – but I figured I’d leave you with this sappy, mushy, gushy New Year, New Me style post. So think about it, think about your resolutions. Are you resolutions going to make you happier? Are they going to make you a better you? Do what makes you happy.
I am going to try to find the joy in the things I love and I hope you do too!
xx Mira
Weights&Wine 